The Ugly Truth

3 weeks had passed. And yet till now only have I uncovered the ugly truth. Life may seem unfair, but reality just sucks. Although I am aware of it, but its not something that can be dealt with easily. I personally find it extremely hard to even not think about her. My mind's always filled with memories of her. There's practically nothing I can do to really get her out of my mind. Sometimes, just for the sake of comforting myself, I'll think that 'as long as she's happy, I'm already satisfied'. Is that really possible? My friends would say, 'you're an idiot!'. Well, probably I am since I fell in love with her. Love, can we really describe it? Not much I can say about it. But one thing I know for sure, that my feelings were true. Too long have I waited for her. Too much have I wasted/sacrificed on her. And yet, too unfair have I been treated. Some adviced me, 'she's not worth it, there's plenty of fish in the sea, why give up all other fish just for her?'. 'She's not worth it', every friend I approached, gave me the same comment. Well, is she really not that worth it? Somehow I just can't seem to accept the truth just yet. Part of me decided to keep waiting, believing someday that she'll be touched by how much I'm willing to do for her. Part of me just feel like ignoring everything, treat it as though nothing had happened. The truth is, nothing had happened. Its just me, couldn't accept the fact that she's with another guy, just like old times. Well, some asked me, 'how did I get through it last time?'. I couldn't answer. Should I just wait on, just like what I did since 5 years ago? Or should I really make an effort to forget her? Or should I just assume that she's still single and continue courting her?

Day 17.

Its been more than 2 weeks since I last met you. Yet image of you remains in my mind all these while. I can't help but thinking about you day and night, every minute of everyday. Though I'm being ignored at the moment, but I believe there will be a day when you stop ignoring me. I'm trying my best to reach to you. After many attempts, I only succeeded once. Which was the day that we met. When I saw you, I'm overjoyed till I'm speechless. I know it sounds stupid, but its a fact. What I wanted to say all these while, I just couldn't bring myself to say it any more. After a while, I've forgotten it. Well, hopefully you'll join me in the trip I invited you. God please help me too.

Should I Really Love Her?

I haven't really had many chances to see her, but what I felt about her was true all these while. Though I don't really know her that well, I'm willing to sacrifice so much for her. Does she know that? Hmm. I'm pretty sure she doesn't. Well, humans don't have to show out everything all the time,right? In a duration of 5 years, I only got to see her 4 times, once in 2005 where I first met her, once in 2006, once in 2007, and the recent one after 3 years in 2010. Pathetic, am I not? Many opinions have I seeked from many people, and guess what? They all advised me to just forget her and move on. Yet till now I haven't done anything about it. I really do love her, silently, didn't do anything much to win her heart. That's cause I don't have many chances/time being with her. My time with her was always so brief, less than a few minutes maybe? I've tried to asked her out, but all she ever did was declining my offer all the time, up to the extent of not answering my phone calls or replying my sms. I've did some self-reflection, maybe I did scare her a bit, maybe I did call her too much last time. But I've changed, why can't she give me a chance and accept this new 'Me'? Well, at least a closer friend would be more than enough to me. Well, all in all, I really love her. But should I really love her? That's the question I want answered most.

After 3 Years Of Long Wait

Time really flies. 3 years had passed just in a blink of an eye. I, myself too can't believe its been 3 years since I last met her. Even now, I can't forget all those that I've done just to see her. Thinking back about those days, it made me miss her even more. Gone were the days when she ignored my phone calls and smses. Thank God today she answered almost all my calls. I kept asking myself, was it out of obligation because of the race? Hmm. I wouldn't want to believe that. No one would I'm sure. Anyway, I'm really thankful that she invited me to this event. Not only was I able to meet her, I was also able to lose some weight which I wanted to do for a long time but was just too busy with work. This opportunity came handy I would say. Though I almost couldn't make it because my friend wanted to quit last minute, but Thank God he didn't.

As we were walking past the registration, someone familiar caught my attention. At first sight, I couldn't tell who it was. After some thinking, I finally remembered. She couldn't recognize me at all because this was the first time we've met. All along we're just friends on the internet. To my surprise, I met someone whom I never expected to meet at all! Boon Heng & Chin Kiat! They were runners, really good runners. They finished the race 10 minutes ahead of me. How shameful of me. I don't even stand a chance of keeping up with them. Halfway through the run, I finally met her. I was glad that she waved at me too. That kind of feeling, was so...happy. I couldn't really express how I felt that time, but it had been a long time since the last time I was this happy. Though not getting any sleep at all after clubbing last night, I tried my best to finish the run without stopping. How I wish I could have a minute with her. A minute was more than enough. Well, if we're fated for each other, I'm pretty sure we'll meet again. Although I left reluctantly, I was really really happy that I'm able to meet her. Wondering in my thoughts when will I ever see her again. Hopefully she'll accept my invitation to a date probably?